Before you read the rest of this article, pause for 15 seconds and write down five characteristics or qualities that make you good at what you do well…
If you could do that, the rest of the article will be confirmation and insight on how to continue reaching for more success. If you struggled, no need to despair as the article should provide guidance on how to elevate from where you are now. First, let’s start with a brief story.
I discovered in college that I had a learning disability; number dyslexia. For various reasons, this was never discovered when I was younger. To be frank, most of those reasons fall under two categories. One, teachers believed I wasn’t very bright. Two, one of my greatest character strengths is perseverance; I don’t give up. In my junior year of college, I succumbed to the fact I needed to take a research statistics class to be eligible for graduation with my degree. There was also a distant aspiration of applying to graduate school, although I was certain I wouldn’t get there because part of me believed what teachers felt about me as a kid. Needless to say, I took the plunge.
To say I struggled would be kind. I didn’t just fail the first exam, I scored a 25%. I was crushed. My first thought was, “there is no way I’m going to pass and graduate”. But this is where my strengths became both needed and useful. First, I tapped into my perseverance by calling in sick to work, making a pot of coffee, and settling in with spreadsheets all over my apartment kitchen table. After about two hours, I was spent. Things weren’t clicking, and I kept getting more confused. But for some reason, my frustration inspired me to look at things a little differently. I had chosen to major in psychology because people fascinated me. So instead of trying to figure out the numbers (that were flipping around all the time), I decided to look at the numbers as people who were in relationships. BOOM! The next few hours were about rapid growth, memorizing formulas based on the type of relationship I wanted to find. I earned A’s on every exam the rest of the class.
What happened? Instead of giving in to my emotions of frustration, anger, and despair, I looked inward and tapped into what I knew were my own assets and abilities. But getting into the habit of knowing and using our strengths is not an easy nor common path. Most of us actually get stuck in the habit of building a negative self-knowledge based on our experiences. This often comes from criticisms of teachers and coaches, or other important adults, who spend a majority of the time communicating what we have done wrong, shouldn’t do wrong in the future, or what we aren’t capable of doing. This creates a culture of “fix what is wrong (with you)”. The result is a self-belief that is defeating, and we find ourselves either trying to please a master that will never be satisfied, or giving up and moving toward something easier. But taking time to know your strengths gives you the power to change this cycle.
Knowing your strengths allows you to create a new path. First, you begin to recognize what you are actually good at. Hint, this is the secret sauce of confidence. When you know you have certain skills or characteristics that can be used for success, you feel better about yourself in relation to what you are doing. Secondarily, you start to shift your behavior to engage in what activities that allow you to use your strengths. The result here is a building of momentum of “small wins”, and again a more positive sense of self. In the long-term, you learn to believe that you can grow, to take on new and more difficult challenges that stretch your known strengths, or help you develop new ones. And this is when people really begin to flourish.
Taking time to acknowledge your strengths isn’t bragging, or even a lack of humility. Instead, it is working at a core mental skill; developing confidence in your ability to face difficulties and be successful. There is no need to wear a t-shirt declaring your powers; that would be absurd. But having the self-knowledge is empowering. If you were able to write down five strengths at the start, think about how you can use one of them on a difficult task today. If you struggled to create a complete list, try to finish it now. You may be surprised at what happens for you in the next few days. If you know someone who could use help in this pursuit, make the call and bring in an expert.