Today I had an opportunity to listen to a presenation focused on leadership style, with an emphasis on the importance of recognizing the needs, values, and goals of others. In particular, this presentation was given to teachers who unquestionably have a significant role in the development of youth and their achievements, as well as on their path to adulthood. While listening, I found myself intrigued, as there has been a strong focus on building relationships in education for roughly a decade. However, from my experience, the type of relationship, and effective methods to do so, are losely covered and are typically based on philosophical arguments instead of sound psychological theory and practice.
I’ve been thinking on this topic for quite some time, and the reasons have been plentiful. A quick glance at sport news over this past year will elicit recall of instances of abuse, cruel behavior and interactions, and life threatening/ending situations that could have been avoided (or at least addressed) with basic acts of care. I am also a big believer that for every story that makes headlines, there are dozens of similar and unreported instances. Inevitably, the costs are financial, institutional, and personal. In contrast, taking time to focus on HOW to build relationships is critical to helping students and athletes perform at higher levels, and is the core of what teachers and coaches do. Not only is this significant for coach-athlete and teacher-student dynamics, focusing on building relationships is also impactful for peer and mentor relationships.
The first issue in building relationships is to recognize the fundamentals involved. To begin, the foundation of all relationships is trust. Actions such as providing genuine positive feedback, expressing compassion for others, and promoting inclusion communicates that you value others. The receiver in kind will experience an increase in self-worth, and feel a sense of belonging. He will also experience an uptick in self-confidence with affirmation of his worth, and growth in self-concept with information that helps him to realize the impact of his own commitment.
The key in reaching the outcomes previously noted is to listen and adapt in your interactions with others in an authentic way. While I don’t disagree with scripted programs as a whole, my work with clients indicates that models are well intentioned but often miss the mark with specific needs for individual teams and groups, because they tend to come across as artificial and inflexible, while “forcing” interactions. As such, I recommend building relationships based on the values, goals, and needs of those involved. Taking these into account then allows the coach (or teacher) to create her own model of interaction and plan for guiding student-athlete progress.
Here are a few approaches that address the issues I’ve noted above.
- Appreciation & Gratitude: Create time to point out individual contributions and instances of cooperation. Highlight peer-models, and encourage teammates to share their own affirmations. Build a community of support and value among members of your team to promote greater cohesion and commitment.
- Recognition of Effort & Accomplishment: Purposefully and personally acknowledge actions taken by athletes to do their best. Instead of praising the result, identify what was done to get there. Rather than criticizing the mistake, reward the intent to succeed before teaching/re-teaching what to do the next time.
- Establish a Safe Place to Try/Fail: Winning and succeeding often times require taking risks. While we want our athletes to be disciplined, there are also times for exposing ourselves to failure in order to do something extraordinary. Encourage opportunities/situations for taking risks in practice so as to promote growth and confidence.
- Provide Clear Expectations & Roles: Knowing one’s role explicitly helps coaches and athletes perform at higher levels as they can focus on elements tied to their responsibilities. This lowers anxiety and confusion, while promoting self-assurance and focus on the task at hand. Thus, make it clear when someone should be a leader, and when he should be a learner or performer, with clear guidelines on duties and limitations.
- Explain the Reason to Learn: Avoid vaguery (e.g. “Someday this will be important”, or “This will be important at the next level”). Instead, be clear about the value of learning by making obvious connections between the development of skills and knowledge to performance processes and outcomes. Develop drills that help athletes build reactions and knowledge for anticipated and specific situations or opponents, including ones which may surprise them and require quick decision making.
- Check in When Something Seems “Off”: There isn’t a need to build buddies. A favorite peer of mine has often stated, “I don’t need 15 year old friends”, meaning we have to constantly be clear about the appropriate structure of our coach-athlete relationship. That said, when you recognize that an athlete is acting out of the ordinary, it is appropriate to have a personal chat so as to provide the opportunity for her to share something that may require mentoring or assistance. This also includes serious situations of harm/neglect where we then need to be the starting point for the process of formal intervention.
If you are a follower of the blog, you will recognize a few of these recommendations from previous entries. However, my intention here is to highlight how these actions promote positive relationships, which increase student-athlete well-being and facilitate higher levels of performance. If you are an athlete, rather than a coach, learn to be a compassionate leader by implementing some of these strategies when possible. As a parent, look for opportunities to utilize some of these tactics in your feedback and support of your child-athlete. More importantly, my hope is that coaches (and teachers) recognize that building relationships isn’t about a structured and idealized program, nor a recommendation to “go soft”. Instead, wisely use your position as a leader to make personal development a challenge while providing a foundation support. Embrace the role you have taken on without the pressure to “save kids” or “promote a cause”, and focus your efforts on being a strong source of support that helps others grow and develop a higher sense of self. Should you find yourself needing more help in this area, why wait? Make the call, bring in an expert.