WHY DO THIS? VALUES BASED ENGAGEMENT

As I write this, I am sitting on a plane, watching fellow passengers work through details of their trip. I see an elderly group who are on a pilgrimage to the Holy Land, business people prepping for meetings at their destination, and others on their way to visit family for various reasons. Meanwhile, I’m a teacher, a coach, and a consultatn headed to an annual conference for the field of sport psychology, reading the book “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” (Manson, 2016) – which I highly recommend by the way.  My thoughts are bounding as they usually do when I travel. Are my students learning without me? How tired will I be when I get back and meet with clients the following day? What would it be like if I only worked in sport psychology and gave up teaching?  Better yet, why the f*ck won’t the school district open up a position I have proposed to provide services to all the coaches and athletes we have on our campuses? Why am I thinking about all of these things while I look at stressed travelers on the plane? And finally, why do all of these questions mean something to me? Then it strikes me; because I really care about all of it. Each of these questions is connected to the vaules I have, and the influence my values have on my behaviors.

 

My guess is you may have had similar instances where you found yourself questiong why you are trying to get so many things done instead of just dialing in on one of them. You may be a student-athlete who is trying to earn a degree (for the long term), while attempting to achieve high goals in your sport. Or you may be a higher level athlete who is working tirelessly at your craft, knowing that there is a limited window of time, and at the same time working on side projects for life when the window closes. Perhaps you are like me, a coach who has a passion for leading athletes, while also needing to find ways to make a decent living to provide for others in your life. The reality is that being an athlete or coach who achieves high goals requires you have commitment to the short and long term, which can mean an exhausting schedule where you need to focus and refocus on multiple goals. And through it all, you may end up asking yourself, “Why am I doing this?”

 

I’m here to tell you that asking yourself that question is not only okay to do, but it is also good for you. The reason is that it is important to check-in once in a while and reorient where you are putting in time an effort. This exercise can become a purposeful way of making adjustments so that your “dream” doesn’t stay a dream. Maybe you need to change your priorities and commitments to gain ground, turning the dream into a goal, and creating a personal action plan. On the other hand, you need to be willing to face the idea you are doing something that isn’t worth the time and effort you are currently giving because it isn’t important to what you are trying to accomplish. Either way, you begin to engage with your value system. Taking time to reflect in this manner is an important way to assess your values, and develop principles by which you can make better choices of commitment for what you really want to accomplish.

 

Without becoming overly philosphical about purpose, I do think there is significant value in establishing values and principles. On a basic level, this allows you to become grounded in your efforts and sacrifices. Some things need to be done because they support other important parts of your life. As an example, my working in a steady teaching job provides a dependable income for my family, while at the same time allows me to have a positive impact on adolescents. One commitment meets two of my values, and the decisions I make while teaching are tied to the principles I harbor.

 

Coaches and athletes also need an opportunity to check-in and reorient because things get hard. Today’s athletes travel, alot. This means expenses and time missed at school or work. Teachers and employers expect you to get your projects done regardless of your travel, and to be prepared to get things done when you get back. Meanwhile, your traveling is tied to your desire to compete. You risk injury, put yourself in challenging situations, and give all the effort you can muster in order to be successful. Taking time to reassess your goals is a healthy chance to bolster your motivation when things get tough. Periodically self-assessing helps you to redefine your goals, and redirect your commitments. Knowing why you are doing what you are doing helps you get through the difficulties with greater resilience and determination.

 

Taking time to evaluate your values and principles also allows you to stay realistic about your definition of success. Doing what you do to please others is a dangerous and unfulfilling trap. I’ve mentioned in previous articles that you will never really make someone else happy enough, and this will ultimately leave you disappointed and unmotivated. But reexmining your commitments and their alignment to your values gives you a chance to better define what success is for you on a personal level. Being able to have an internal value for what you are doing makes you unbending against doubt and criticism from others, as well as a means of clarifying to those close to you why you are so driven. Consequently, you will likely find a renewed sense of energy and ambition.

 

So I encourage you to pause and self-assess. Ask yourself the brave question, “Why am I doing this?” Take time to question what you value, and how your goals define who you are and what is important to you? You may find that doing so allows you to give greater commitment to what is really important, and to let go in some way of the things that are holding you back from what you really want. Should you find yourself needing more help in this area, why wait? Make the call, bring in an expert.