Last week I addressed the mounting issue many parents are starting to see in their teens and young adults. As a brief review, lots of students are struggling because the pandemic has impacted opportunities to define themselves. A loss of social connection, and a lack of autonomy in the activities they engage in. To combat this, I recommended allowing them opportunities to promote their own well-being through safe social interactions, physical activity with short term goals, and a focus on developing soft-skill strengths. Since posting last week, I’ve also had an opportunity to talk with colleagues who say they are seeing the same struggles in adult populations. The threat and loss of job opportunities, financial challenges, and a loss of social connection with other adults has taken a significant toll at this point. I’ve had to remind some in my own social circle that a pandemic is a culture shifting point in time. Everything we assumed to be “normal” has been put in check. With that in mind, my thought is to focus forward and prepare to be flexible.
Part of the problem for so many of us is our tendency to define ourselves by the outcomes we achieve. This is tempting. Whether you are a student working toward a specific GPA, an athlete hoping for a scholarship, or a professional committed to a career track, all of us have had to come to grips with the vulnerability of our intended progress. But this is where you are better served to take care of yourself by reframing how you think about what is happening.
I’ve noted in several of my articles that outcomes are outside of your control. That worrying about such things can only lead to greater anxiety, which will negatively impact how you perform. As for the current state of our social, political, and economic conditions, the best we can do is be our best self as much as possible. Again, taking care of yourself as noted in the previous article is critical. But there is more work you can do that will promote your own resilience and mental flexibility.
One of the first steps is to take ownership of WHAT you are doing. Allow yourself to let go of outcomes. You can be intentional and hope for certain results, but your time will be better spent focusing on the “what” and “how”, with internal knowledge of the “why”. This is why autonomy is so important. Be able to declare for yourself why your tasks are important to you. As a student, why might learning something be valuable? As a professional, why engage with the clientele and offer your skill set? Whatever your answer is, it is infinitely more important than “the bottom line”. Students who want knowledge and growth more than the letter grade end up doing better long term. Professionals who engage in work tied to their values make stronger connections. Owning what you do by understanding your “why” drives your motivation, and thereby how you go about your tasks. Starting tomorrow, what can you resonate with for greater ownership? You are in charge of the reason behind what you do.
Once you take ownership, then goal setting becomes functional as a tool. Yet, this can potentially bog people down. Sometimes we look at the end point of what we want to accomplish and get intimidated. The gap between here and there can feel like a chasm. However, I encourage you to remember the only way to eat an elephant is to do so one bite at a time.
No matter how large the gap is, you need to break it down into manageable chunks. This means taking a little extra time at the start to block out sections that are manageable for you. Know what the next step of progress is, and lean into that wholeheartedly. When its done, you can start on the next step. Soon, progress becomes routine. Over time, you accomplish great things by taking care of the little steps. Take a second here to reflect. What is the next step in being a better you as a student, an employee, a professional, or an entrepreneur? Put it on paper, and work on that for the short term.
Having short term goals helps us begin to take action with energy, without being overwhelmed by the whole of what we want to do. At other times we may not know where the end of our path actually lies. But working on the next step opens opportunities. And this is why having a meaningful presence is such a valuable trait.
Truthfully, not every task along our path is something we want or like. Certain classes we have to take to earn a degree seem pointless compared to what we hope to do later in life. And while you may not like having to complete certain steps, often getting them done is a requirement in earning what you really want. Giving the best of yourself in these situations allows you to learn things you may not realize are important until later on.
Some days your best will be better than others. But by committing to giving all you have at the moment you create a habit of being attentive and ready to learn. Psychology refers to this as “openness”, and the idea appears in many different theories about personality and achievement. The research shows again and again that being open to new experiences is correlated to greater achievement, as well as resilience in the face of difficulty.
So let’s stop focusing on the trauma and loss of the Covid-19 pandemic. Avoid joining those who are seeking for someone to blame for their stuggle. Instead, lean into being your best self. Start with owning whatever it is you are doing now. Whether it is school or work, find something meaningful to you about why you are doing this. As you look to the future, embrace your hopes and dreams, but dig in to doing something well in the short term. Make growth a weekly habit. And with each task throughout your day, be present. Give the fullest attention you can to whatever it is you are doing, allowing things in the past to be done (or on hold), and future tasks to wait. Giving attention to your well-being means you stay flexible about what lies ahead, and determined to continue to grow. Should you find yourself needing more help in this area, why wait? Make the call, bring in an expert.