I remember talking with an athlete one time about his frustrations over how others viewed his being a professional athlete. Essentially, he noted that he gets upset when people tell him he is lucky because gets to play his sport everyday and get paid. When I asked him more about this, he declared that he wasn’t “lucky” because he had so many expectations on him to win, and that he saw what he was doing as a very stressful job. Similarly, I worked with a couple of high school football coaches a few years back who had just lead their team to the playoffs for the first time in several years. Like the professional athlete I mentioned above, these coaches didn’t feel “lucky” or even happy. Instead they talked about their worry of not meeting the expectations of parents and administrators with more success. More recently I worked with an athlete who has earned the opportunity to travel to Europe to train and compete with some of the best clubs in the world. Rather than being excited, this athlete told me about feeling very anxious about not meeting the expectations of other athletes and coaches. In each of these situations, I believe there was a common misunderstanding.
These athletes and coaches believed that the perceptions of others were a set of expectations which determined their value and worth. And at the same time, the questioning and attention each received about their accomplishments left them aggitated as they felt others were conveying that athletes and coaches should always feel good because they don’t have to “work” like everyone else. To the coaches and athletes, this was also somewhat insulting as all high level performers understand that to achieve at a high level, you must work tirelessly to exact your skills. However, in each of these cases I felt it was important to help them take a different view. On one hand, feeling “lucky” implies that you have it better than others because somehow your path was charmed by something others were not privy to. Yet, feeling pressure to meet the expectations of others can rob us of the enjoyment of doing something we have tremendous talent for, and have worked hard to earn. The middle ground is to experience gratitude.
Having gratitude can be empowering. For one, it provides you with the opportunity to have a realistic perspective of what you are doing, and the value it really holds in the world. At the highest level, professional sport is essentially about entertainment. Yes, people spend a tremendous amount of money to “invest” in their favorite teams, whether they be fans or ownership groups. This can lead to strong emotional reactions to the outcomes of games, and the performance of athletes. But their emotional attachment doesn’t define your worth as an athlete. At the amateur level, the emotional investment of others is typically linked to relationships. Fans know you personally, they feel a connection to the school/club you play for, or they may be family members. Regardless of the connection, you can be grateful of the opportunity you have in playing and competing, or at the very least in those you play with and who have helped you get where you are. While this may not diminish the sense of pressure you feel from others who want specific outcomes, it does give you perspective that you are the one playing, and doing so is your choice to act on the opportunity.
Gratitude also allows you to let go of your own expectations for outcomes. I frequently remind athletes and coaches that wanting to win is an important aspect of motivation. If you ever lose the desire to win, you are probably ready to retire. But pressuring youself for outcomes can be counter productive. Realistically, the best you can do is influence the outcome. Being grateful for the opportunity is one way of tapping into your power of influence. This was something I conveyed to the football coaches I mentioned at the start. I reminded them that all of the expectations of others were off the field and out of their control. However, they had an opportunity to share the moment of being in a playoff game with the athletes they had trained, and that relatively few other teams would have the same experience. My advice was to take a minute and look all around them once they got to the sideline. Look at the excitement of the players, look at the number of proud fans, and listen to the unique pageantry that is the playoff atmosphere. Doing so allowed them to minimize the sense of pressure they felt, and instead redirected their energies toward a sense of appreciation for what they were about to do.
Perhaps the greatest benefit of experiencing gratitude for what you are doing in sport is the increase in positive emotions and positive thinking. Clearly these are not a “magic bullet” for doing well in challenging competition. However, there is long standing evidence that being in a more positive state promotes greater focus on cues that are connected to what you want to accomplish. Similarly, postive thinking increases your confidence in your own skills sets so as to better address difficulties that will come along. At the least, feeling positive about what you are doing provides resilience against negative worry and doubt, or even worse negative reactions. Thinking about the player I noted above, who was able to travel to Europe to train and compete, having a discussion about what to be grateful for altered his focus. At the start he was “trapped” in worry about not doing well. By the end of our conversation, he was excited that he had an opportunity which could potentially open doors to higher goals.
The application of experiencing gratitude can done several ways. For one, the simple act of reflection can be effective. Allow yourself a quiet moment to pause and think about the value of what you are doing. In what way is this an expression of your truest self? What does your involvement in the sport provide you that other activities and pursuits do not? Asking yourself these types of questions promotes perspective taking.
Another effective approach is to express gratitude to people who have or are helping you in your efforts. Taking a moment to share with coaches, parents, or other support people can be an important step in strengthening the relationship you have with them. This is also a meaningful and authentic way to let them know what you value about their efforts. This can be done with a direct conversation, or by writing a simple note. I know of an athlete who has been a part of a high school team the past two years, who goes out of his way at the end of every practice to personally thank his coaches for something they shared with him that day. This young man isn’t the most talented one on the team. However, the connection he has built with his coaches through this act has made him someone the coaches are willing to continue to help, and with patience. The result has been a marked growth in his abilities over the last few months.
Being involved in sport can have obvious social advantages. There tends to be admiration and recognition if we are successful. But there can also be difficulty in managing the pressures that come with being a high level athlete. Purposely exercising gratitude can be a useful means of improving your performance. You gain a more realistic perspective, develop resilience, become more positive, and strengthen the meaningful relationships you need in order to reach your goals. Should you find yourself needing more help in this area, why wait? Make the call, bring in an expert.