For the last few weeks, I’ve been writing about struggles I am seeing for adolescents and young adults as we work our way through the Covid-19 pandemic. If we bottom-line all that has happened, the common theme is uncertainty of the future. We don’t know if or when we will feel safe from the virus. We aren’t sure when we will be able to get back to social settings and activities that felt “normal”. And we have a growing uncertainty about economic safety and opportunities.
The impact of so much uncertainty has been wide spread. Incidents of social discord are escalating, including but not limited to increases in protests, violence, substance use/abuse, and issues linked to depression such as self-isolation. And how have we attempted to respond? Through increased use of digital media. Ironically, the use of apps, social media, and other forms of digital socializing were things we were concerned with as being unhealthy prior to the pandemic. We were certain that excessive gaming was creating a generation of addicts who could not socialize in person. Social media was seen as a negative space of narcissism and bullying. Live video feed was viewed as a poor substitute for interacting and learning. And streaming apps were seen as a black hole serial binge watching. And now we find ourselves depending on these digital platforms to go to school and work. Seven months later we recognize that teens and adults weren’t lost in digital space. Instead they were functioning together socially, in person, using technology to find their future. Yet, it is the the loss of in-person social gathering that has now taken its toll.
More and more I am receiving calls from worried parents and former clients who give voice to these escalating struggles. They describe feeling unmotivated and lonely, and confused about what they are actually working toward with so much uncertainty about the future. And this is different that what happened during the Great Recession. At that time the struggle was weathering the storm, knowing that all recessions end with economic growth. But this is different. The collective fear of a virus has increased conflict in our society as the economic impact has exposed tensions that were already vulnerable. With all of this going on, it should almost seem “normal” for our emerging youth to struggle. After all, the psychological drive at this time of life is to find a personal identity with a sense of purpose about one’s place in the future. Everything we have experienced since early March of 2020 has put that goal on pause for so many of them. And yet, I have a firm belief in the good of the majority of humanity. I believe in our capacity to be resilient. More importantly, I’m certain that we can foster growth and flexibility so that this group can adapt.
In a recent conversation with one of my clients, he spoke clearly of something I have felt for quite some time; that school (high school specifically) has become a belligerent exercise of academic drills led by teachers who act as content knowledge demagogues and lack a capacity to relate to the true interests of their students. Or more simply, teachers are leading students through boring exercises and lessons that seem especially disconnected to the world adolescents are experiencing. And to be sure, I’ve heard many similar complaints from my college age clients as well. What is lacking is an opportunity to explore, to challenge themselves, and to find something meaningful to the self. From my position, the institutions are missing a tremendous opportunity to evolve and become something better. Instead, the goal is to tread the current state of affairs in the hopes of getting back to a form of education we had become accustom to, with students passively listening to oratory, or routinely solving problems that seem disengaged to the world they experience outside the classroom. But if history has taught us anything, it is that broad scale adversity brings opportunities for necessary change that leads to improvement.
The critical question to ask then becomes, “How do we enhance scholarship for students, and growth for young workers?” I say, look at professional sports. More specifically, look below the major league level and pay attention to how elite athletes navigate the tribunals of the minor leagues to reach their goals. In doing so you will be able to notice critical elements that help these athletes work through the enormous challenges they face.
The first thing you may notice is the dogged pursuit for personal growth. Once they get into an environment where all of them have nearly equal talent levels, athletes quickly tap into their competitive drive to get better, to learn more, and to be in relentless pursuit of being close to perfect at what they do. But even deeper is the realization that the path they have chosen was theirs to choose. Having autonomy to be a dedicated athlete allows them to make professionalism of a game a personally meaningful exercise. And isn’t this what you often times see in someone who thuroughly enjoys video games? That drive to master what they are doing is meaningful to the self. You don’t have to agree with the value of the pursuit to admire the passion in reaching their own goal. Just imagine what school could be like once we establish a functional line for learning skills. Students would likely be much more excited to pursue their own growth if we only gave them the opportunity to do so.
When someone finds themselves on a path of personal growth, which they have tied to self-defined purpose, they are tapping into intrinsic motivation. This is that inner drive to engage in something because the activity itself is rewarding. Mastering specific skills becomes rewarding because it is feedback on how well you are doing, rather than feeling inadequate because someone tells you why you aren’t doing it well. This is one of the reasons that self-taught musicians seem to be “gifted”. Rather than relying on a teacher to correct mistakes, the musician continues to play, working endlessly to learn how to do something they feel is valuable. Mistakes become challenges to try harder. If you pause and think about the dot com industry of the 1990’s, this is what that talented group of programmers were doing. The wealth they generated was more about the craving the public had for new technology. However, the incredible growth of that technology was cultivated in an environment where young and talented people relentlessly attempted to see how far they could push technology.
The third element for finding personal meaning is being in an environment that builds powerful social connections that provide a sense of security and belonging. This is perhaps one of the greatest struggles we are seeing in our youth. Being isolated at home, seeing peers in tiny boxes on a screen, only promotes insecurity. All of the interactions are scripted and are about engaging in activities that have been directed by an adult. The social element of school and the workplace was not about the institution, but about forming relationships with others who share the same interests. You can see the same thing happen in elite sports. Athletes form relationships based on interests beyond the pitch or court. They use the moments between games and practice to interact on a personal level, to build connections with one another that meets a deep psychological need we all have. So maybe the fear we had about our youth interacting on social media was misguided? Perhaps it was instead functional use of modern technology to connect with others, and to explore personal interests. And more importantly, it was done in a way where they could choose for themselves, rather than having an adult or superior control how it happened.
And this is my point; despite the difficulties we have all faced as the pandemic lingers on, the reality is that humanity is resilient by nature. Being allowed to pursue paths of growth and interaction of our own choosing is critical in promoting our resilience. Growth can, and at times NEEDS to be small. This pandemic is hard in part because we believed that how we were living previously was normal. In reality, what is normal is that we experience adversity and crave ways to overcome. In order to do so, we need opportunities of self-exploration and freedom, where guidance is about helping us understand why something is difficult and what strengths we possess to reach our own goals. Along the way, we also need the ability to create new relationships of our own choosing. Finding new ways to allow our teens and young adults to do so will help the whole of society as we attempt to create a new normal post-pandemic. If you know someone who could use help in this pursuit, make the call and bring in an expert.