One of the greatest qualities we admire in others is the ability to bounce back, to recover from a setback, to be willing to get back up after being knocked down. Yet, sometimes we forget the way in which this mental skill is learned, and the lessons in which this happens. Though as athletes (and other types of performers) we strive to achieve and reach our goals, the reality is that we should expect to be challenged. But our desire for the win, and at times fear of the loss, can become so obsessive that we lose perspective. Too often athletes and coaches (as well as teachers, trainers, and other leaders) will work in a way so as to not make a mistake that will cost them a win. This mentality is actually inhibiting and can prevent you from being successful. Perhaps a better perspective would be to embrace the attitude, “There is an inherent risk in trying to succeed. You may fail.”
While I don’t mean to imply that you would be better off accepting failure, I do suggest you accept that it can (and will) happen if you are continually trying to improve. The reality is that adversity will happen. Losses, setbacks, and mistakes are part of striving, because outcomes are not guaranteed. Sometimes your opponent simply has success of their own accord, and may create a new level for you to reach toward. And then there are the scariest of moments; injuries and other traumas that bring us to a stop, requiring us to go through a lengthy process of rehabilitation and recovery. No matter the sport, no matter the field of endeavor, if you are at it long enough these will happen. The question is, can you be resilient enough to pick yourself up? Check yourself with the following strategy of steps.
First, you have to come to terms with it and be able to let it go. This is not the same as forgetting, which means you don’t learn (and possibly don’t care). Instead, letting go is a means of acceptance that you cannot change the past. Doing so lowers the brain’s threat response; heart rate lowers, breathing regulates, and you fight off anxiety. Accepting the situation provides the ability to stay present, rather than being stuck in the past, or worrying about the making another mistake in the future. By letting go, you provide yourself the ability to be ready for the next play or sequence with greater focus and anticipation so as to be ready to respond in the best way possible.
The second step in being resilient is to refocus. If you are successful in letting go, you now have the ability to be open to the reality of the current state of the contest. Whatever the situation, and how you got here, you need to set immediate objectives. Create goals for the next approach to either scoring or defending. Remind yourself that all you can do is address the challenge in front of you, and allow the outcome to take care of itself. If you have heard of elite athletes talk about “slowing it down” in the big moment, this is essentially what they are doing – maintaining a task-focus, free of worry about how it will turn out. This is when you allow your talent to hunt.
This leads to the third step of resilience, giving the effort to improve. That’s right, taking grandma’s advice to “try your best” is the right approach. The down moments are when you will learn the most about yourself, your teammates, and your team overall. Embrace the opportunity to learn, to see the challenge of the moment. An analogy I frequently make to students and athletes is that it is like swimming a long distance. At some point you get very tired, you question your ability to keep going, it may even feel as though you are beginning to swim underwater or aren’t making any progress. I remind them that at this point, all you can do is “keep swimming, because the alternative ain’t so good.” Yes, you have had a setback and things are tough…. right now. But if you don’t make the effort to improve, you won’t! Trying to get better, rally, overcome, etc. requires digging in and having a will to do the work involved.
So I would like to remind you that adversity is going to happen along your road to success. Remember, “There is an inherent risk in trying to succeed. You may fail”. Rather than fearing this, accept the fact that at some point, adversity will come knocking on your door. The real challenge is to let go and accept what is, refocus on the task at hand, and give the effort needed to make success possible. My hope is this provides some insight on what resilience is, and what you can do to build your own mental toughness. Should you find yourself wanting specific guidance in this area, why wait? Make the call, bring in an expert.